"In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." ~ The Beatles
~ ABOUT ME ~
hey everyone. i'm rlisb, also known as xX_ShadowBeat_Xx online. i'm 17 years old and live in portland, oregon where it rains like... constantly. which is perfect 4 my dark aesthetic lol. this is my corner of the internet where i pour my heart out about the things i love most: music, photography, coding, sports, and the endless mysteries of cinema.
i've been obsessed with The Beatles since i was like 14. my mom played "Let It Be" in the car and something just clicked, u know? now i have every album on cassette tape (yes i still use cassettes), and i've memorized the lyrics to like 90% of their songs. paul mccartney is a genius. JOHN was a genius. theyre all geniuses. im not even gonna apologize 4 how much i talk about them. my favorite album changes like every week but right now its a tie between "Rubber Soul" and "The White Album". white album is SO dark and experimental... the production on "Dear Prudence" makes me feel things i cant even describe.
beyond the beatles, i love so much music. ive been getting into the cure lately, and depeche mode makes my soul feel seen. bauhaus is incredible. and theres something about morissey's voice that just speaks 2 me on a level thats almost spiritual. i know thats dramatic but im 17 so i get 2 be dramatic.
photography is my second language. i take my canon ae-1 everywhere. mostly i shoot in black and white, urban decay, abandoned buildings, puddles reflecting the sky. i love the contrast between light and shadow. theres a beauty in the forgotten places that nobody else seems 2 notice. ive been developing my own prints in the school darkroom and its the most meditative thing ive ever experienced. the way an image slowly appears in the chemical bath... its like magic.
coding has been my obsession 4 about 2 years now. started with HTML/CSS just 4 fun, building websites like this one. now im learning Python and Java. something about the logic, the way code has 2 be PERFECT or it breaks... its soothing 2 me. plus coding feels like creating something from nothing, which is basically magic. ive been reading about open source projects and thinking about contributing someday.
i play basketball on my school team. were not amazing but we have heart, and i love the flow of the game, the way u have 2 think three steps ahead. sports teach u discipline and teamwork in a way nothing else does. plus running up and down the court helps me process the emotional intensity of being a teenager lol.
movies r basically my religion. i love films that make u FEEL something. Donnie Darko, The Third Man, Metropolis, anything by david lynch... i go 2 the independent cinema downtown every weekend i can. theres a world in cinema thats darker and more honest than what u see on tv. also i just watched The Sixth Sense and the twist absolutely destroyed me in the best way.
and then theres teddy. my little black cat who has zero concept of personal space. hes constantly sitting on my keyboard while im coding or laying across my contact sheets while im organizing photos. hes rude and i love him 4 it. hes got these bright amber eyes that look almost supernatural in certain light. ive tried 2 photograph him a million times but hes always moving. classic cat.
life is short. make it weird. make it beautiful. make it yours.
⬛ RECENT UPDATES ⬛
October 23, 2003
finally finished the homepage redesign. spent like 3 weeks on this thing. added the photography section and rewrote the guestbook. teddy knocked over my coffee twice during this process. the site is now officially Y2K compliant (yes i know its 2003 but it makes me feel safe). also added the beatles shrine section because i couldnt NOT. if u dont like it, wrong website buddy.
October 15, 2003
went 2 the independent cinema last night and saw a film noir i'd never heard of. black and white, 1949, completely crushing it with atmosphere. made me want 2 shoot more b&w film. also realized i need 2 get more rolls of kodak tri-x. struggling w my budget but priorities r priorities.
October 8, 2003
basketball season started!! we won our first game 58-47. i had 14 points and 6 assists which is solid. but then i came home and spent like 6 hours working on a python script instead of doing calculus homework. math can wait. code cannot.
September 30, 2003
just discovered that the darkroom at school is available 4 students 2 use after hours. have been spending every thursday night there just bathing in chemical smell and watching my photos appear. its peaceful in a way nothing else is. also finally got my copy of "A Hard Day's Night" on VHS. been watching the beatles cartoons. theyre terrible but in the most endearing way.
September 18, 2003
teddy somehow got stuck behind the refrigerator. mom made me move the entire thing. he was fine. didnt even seem that concerned. then he walked away like nothing happened. cats r weird. anyway this inspired me 2 finally build this website. ive been procrastinating 4 like 6 months.
♫ THE BEATLES: A SHRINE ♫
if u havent figured it out already, i am OBSESSED with The Beatles. like, unhealthily obsessed. i have posters in my room, i can name the bass player of every era, ive read like 3 different biographies. heres what u need 2 know:
| FAVORITE ALBUM: |
"The White Album" (1968) - its chaotic and experimental and PERFECT. every song is different. theres 30 songs. some r only 1 minute long. its like getting 30 different beatles experiences |
| FAVORITE SONG: |
"While My Guitar Gently Weeps" - george harrison's masterpiece. the orchestration, the emotion, the DEPTH. im not crying ur crying |
| MOST UNDERRATED: |
"Dear Prudence" - dark, beautiful, haunting. its criminally underrated |
| MOST OVERRATED: |
"Hey Jude" - i said what i said. its good but its not THAT good. also its 7+ minutes. come on |
| BEST ERA: |
late period (1967-1970). theyre experimental, theyre taking risks, theyre creating music that sounds like nothing else. pure genius |
my hot takes:
- Paul's bass lines are criminally underappreciated
- George Harrison was the secret weapon the whole time
- Ringo's drumming is so groovy and nobody talks about it enough
- John's experimental stuff ("Revolution 9", "I Am the Walrus") is genius even when its weird
- If they had stayed together, imagine what they would've made in the 70s and 80s
- Yoko did NOT break up the Beatles (but it didnt help)
i have a dream of seeing Paul McCartney in concert before i die. its my life goal. im saving up. it will happen. MARK MY WORDS.
📷 PHOTOGRAPHY PORTFOLIO 📷
i shoot primarily on a Canon AE-1, a beast of a film camera from the 70s. i love the mechanical feel of it, the way u have 2 THINK about every shot instead of just point and click like with digital. most of my work is black and white because thats where real photography happens. color is 4 tourists.
MY PHOTOGRAPHY STYLE:
- Urban Decay - abandoned buildings, broken windows, nature reclaiming concrete. theres beauty in the forgotten
- Contrast & Light - harsh shadows, bright highlights, the struggle between darkness and light
- Reflections - puddles, wet pavement, mirrors. another world in miniature
- Silhouettes - people/objects against light, removing details 2 focus on form
- Architecture - buildings, bridges, geometric shapes. the way humans structure their world
Currently developing my own prints in the school darkroom every thursday. the chemical smell, watching the image appear in the developer... its meditation. its zen. its my happy place.
A photograph is not just a picture. Its a moment frozen. Its proof that something existed. its memory made physical.
[photo gallery coming soon - still scanning slides]
💀 SIGN MY GUESTBOOK! 💀
PLEASE SIGN MY GUESTBOOK!!!
tell me what u think. constructive criticism welcome. hate comments will b deleted.
~*MoonWalker_Emily*~
October 22, 2003
OMG ur site is so dark and beautiful. i also love the beatles SO MUCH. while my guitar gently weeps is literally my favorite song. ur photography section gave me chills. the urban decay stuff is insane. also teddy is adorable. followed u back on livejournal!!
xX_CodeNinja_Xx
October 20, 2003
yo nice html structure. ur css is clean. the color scheme is peak goth aesthetic. ive been learning python too - maybe we should collab on something? also basketball player + coder is such a vibe. hmu on AIM: CodeNinja2003
ShadowPoet_Alex
October 18, 2003
Found u thru the dark aesthetic webring. ur whole vibe is immaculate. the quote at the top about love is so beautiful. The Beatles changed my life too. Rubber Soul is underrated imo but i see ur White Album love. keep creating art pls. the world needs more dark beautiful stuff like this.
CinemaLounge_Marcus
October 15, 2003
ur movie taste is IMPECCABLE. donnie darko changed my perspective on cinema. and the third man is such a classic. have u seen the third man by any other name? anyway nice page. the goth aesthetic is strong here. keep it up!!!
~*DarkDreamer_Lisa*~
October 12, 2003
teddy is literally the cutest thing ive ever seen. my cat is named shadow and shes also a little chaos gremlin. luv the photography section - the black and white aesthetic really matches the whole vibe of the site. also depeche mode AND the beatles?? ur taste is unmatched. email me: darklisa@yahoo.com
🔗 COOL LINKS 🔗
FRIENDS' PAGES:
MUSIC & BEATLES RESOURCES:
PHOTOGRAPHY & FILM:
CODING & TECH:
MISC:
WEBRING:
This site is part of the Dark Aesthetic Webring
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